Post Boss of Bosses, I was feeling 'ok' despite a less than stellar meet performance and some health issues surrounding my Ulcerative Colitis. (I'll be changing drugs in January so hopefully I'll find some success with it.)

I got back to training- not like an asshole either. I don't get into any type of ego lifting. I benched with my feet up for 3 weeks in a row. I never got over four plates or dipped under 5 reps (so intensity was relatively low and I didn't do anything to failure).

My third week went like this...

Plan was 415 with my feet up for doubles or triples. 275 felt like 450 so I tried 385 for a double (kilo plates, arbitrary number) and that was way too hard for what I had in mind today.

So I moved on to dumbbell bench- 100's for zero. I couldn't press it. My left shoulder has been bother me- mainly the bicep tendon through the front delt.

So I tried dips. Those hurt and felt weak.

So likely the week before or week before that is when I either tore my rotator cuff, or tore it worse than it was already torn. I remember my shoulder really bugging me for a week or two after that. It should have been a glaring sign, but I just took it that I should train lighter for a few weeks, which I did and it (kind of) cleared up.

I started training with Josh Bryant around that time and we were doing dumbbell work anyway which didn't bother it...paired with super heavy farmers walks. A perfect storm of bullshit to hide my shoulder pain while still irritating it with the heavy carries.

Fast forward ten weeks, I benched with a straight bar two weeks in a row and I had zero strength in externally rotating at the shoulder. Here's a video of me trying zottman curls...

[youtube=http://youtu.be/x9JOGc_84L8]

I'm pretty frustrated. Injuries happen. I get that. I've only had minor tweaks and strains. So if this is actually torn then it's my first 'real' injury I suppose  minus a torn MCL in college. I let myself feel down for a couple days. I'm still a little bitter if I'm being completely honest. But I'm a little more clear headed at this point and ready to assess the situation.

Step 1: MRI

If it is detached, I probably have to get surgery. If it's not, I'll rehab it and look at PRP or stem cells or both.

Step 2: Train around it if possible. Floor press for awhile to limit ROM, then add in dumbbell work to get back to full ROM because I was still DB pressing 150s with no pain.

Step 3: I haven't made it this far because I need some more info.

2018 was a full year of spinning my wheels in terms of making progress in powerlifting. It hurts to type. It hurts to read. But it's just being honest with myself.

Is this a 'bad' thing- well, maybe. Could it be a 'good' thing? Maybe. What if this injury prevented me from destroying my shoulder in the impending future? What if it forces me to work on my shoulder mobility and it eventually helps my squat? I'll find some perspective and push through.