Rebuilding: The Fall Out

I will be competing at The Odd Haugen Northern California Strongman Challenge and Visegrip Viking Challenge on May 21 and 22, 2016. I am thrilled to be back to competing in strongman and finding my passion to train once again. My return to strongman isn't just about getting back into event training. It's also my return to dropping weight, becoming athletic once again, maintaining solid nutrition AND figuring out how to incorporate and maintain grip training in the mix. In the past that has not been possible and I generally go out in a big ball of flames. This time I'm optimistic.

There is more to come on this entire process and more background and I hope you find value in some of the lessons and struggles I have experienced. Keep your eyes peeled for more.

My Disclaimer
In no way shape or form should the information I am sharing be viewed as medical advice. Or any advice, actually. This is just my journey, my struggles and some lessons learned along the way that are true to me and only me. Hopefully, talking about this journey in some way makes a positive impact on someone reading this. I've spent a lot of time thinking about how appropriate personally and professionally it is for me to put this information out there. Right now I feel like it's the right thing to do. I always reserve the right to change my mind.

Falling To Pieces

After things went south after The Fat Doctor, I continued training and doing my thing. Along the way I became a member of Team eliteFTS and the pressure really set in. While being a member of eliteFTS is something many people dream of and strive to accomplish, with it came immense pressure. The pressure was all self imposed and soon nothing was good enough, I wasn’t nearly strong enough and struggled to find my voice to deliver what I felt was useful content. I continued to compete, did well but was always concerned with what other people’s perceptions of who I was as a lifter was.

On some level I suppose I still do but writing this is my way to break those chains and free myself from the self imposed expectations. Shoot, just this morning I darted out of bed at 3:00 am from a dream someone left on an imaginary elitefts social media post about me. What I remember of it was something like, “What about Wattles? It seems like pretty quickly after she became part of the team, her weight climbed and performance declined. She isn’t the athlete she was from when she became a team member.”
Those demons haunt me and I continue to strive to be an athlete others can look towards for inspiration. I have always felt like getting to that iconic status was the goal. Now I am realizing the journey, the struggles and ability to overcome are who I am and are nothing to apologize for.

Behind The Screen

Behind the computer screen and attempts at lifting, there were some significant struggles. My crazy continued to escalate. By crazy I mean short tempered, surly, chronically sick and just not a fun person anymore. The pressures to be a mother my kids could be proud of were what forced me to seek out other alternatives and address the root cause of the now spiraling weight, ill temper, lack of motivation, etc.

At the time I was in my late 30’s and changes were happening. I suppose I wasn’t aware of how dramatically they could impact me until I did some research on female hormones. In desperation with the greatest hopes in the world, I ran out to the supplement store and bought a container of progesterone cream. And by desperation, I mean desperation. If this didn’t work, I didn’t know what else to do.

Within two days of just over the counter cream I noticed some improvements in my mood, energy, etc. I knew there had to be something to the hormone thing and it was legit. With the help of Mattie, I started doing research on hormones and therapeutic levels. I was able to get labs done and from my layman’s eyes it was very clear how messed up everything was. With the help of my research, I was able to put together a spreadsheet of each hormone, current levels, therapeutic ranges and medical suggestions.

Up until that point I had tried everything under the sun to improve things on my own, nutritionally, supplements, the next greatest program, etc. None of it worked and I felt like I was at a critical point for myself, my family and my lifting. I just wanted someone to tell me things could get better. I also knew that going to my family doc with this information was just an intermediate step until I could get into a physician more specialized. I am fortunate because I have a doctor who is open to hearing different view points and she always supports my lifting and listens to my needs and perspectives. I went in to visit her, spread sheet in hand and we discussed what was going on. Bless her heart, she was so open with me and said she didn’t really feel like she had much knowledge in this area but was willing to work with me and begin investigating my suggestions.

The Plan

Before I left she offered me a prescription for anti-depressants until I had time for things to improve. I politely declined and told her we both knew what my issue was, it wasn’t depression and the medication would just impair any issues I was having for the long term. She agreed, did her research then followed up with me and we started the plan to improvement. This was a significant step in the right direction and a bandage to hold things together for a bit.

While all of this was happening, I was also researching my options for a regenerative doctor who was an expert in all of this. When I finally got in to see him, he confirmed what my layman’s interpretation was and we started a plan to get me back. Keep in mind at this point, my primary goal was to improve the crazy, chronic exhaustion and just get me back to feeling normal. Strength and my life as an athlete were further down the list of things I hoped to improve.

The immediate improvement was my mood and being more thoughtful with my words and actions. The other issues slowly improved over time. The fatal flaw in this process is once I would start feeling “great” I would gradually fade out or forget the supplement protocol and back track in many areas. The weight remained in the same range, within 10-20 lbs depending on how training was going. Dropping weight wasn’t the focus, thriving as an athlete, mom and now business owner were the priorities.

I’ve had successes along the way, some pretty big one. At this time we opened our athletic performance facility and life changed over night. We went from a very comfortable, two income, professional family down to just my income and two kids who were used to very comfortable lives. It was a gamble with significant consequences but we knew it was something we had to move forward with.

Who knew this would end up in three parts? Wow. I suppose there is some therapeutic value in this process far more than I anticipated. Keep your eyes peeled for part 3!