One of the things I do enjoy about powerlifting is catching up with people you've met over the years and talking shit. Hearing other stories make me feel like I'm not crazy and even if I am at least I'd have a few people I can kick it with when I get rubber roomed.

So, this time last year I was in my "fuck having a terrible deadlift" phase. I competed early in the year and was indecisive about my next move, so I decided I wanted to pull 800 pounds no straps, clean.

Me being me, I knew there wouldn't be much that would stop me as I always say I'm as stubborn as I am ugly. Well, life accepted the challenge besides all the personal shit going on in my life at that time, my body decided to up the ante.

It was a Saturday; I pulled 780, and it moved well, so I decided next weekend I'd take 800 and that's when my body decided to go against the grain. I can't remember if it was Wednesday or Thursday now, but I was at work taking a dump when I started doing the paperwork, I noticed I was bleeding. I'm talking BLEEDING like I had been stabbed. Naturally, my first instinct was to take a picture and send it to a couple of people I hold near and dear to my heart.

After getting home and doing an investigation, I discovered I had a prolapsed hemorrhoid, and it was nasty as fuck. I went to Jewel and bought every single relief ointment they had.  Applying all the said creams was a hell of a way to find out my flexibility had headed south, but after much bending, twisting, huffing, and puffing I got things squared away.

The next morning I repeated the SHW circus act of ass cream application and headed to work. When I got to work I got out the car looked at my seat, and it was a puddle of blood no exaggeration! "fuck this I'm going home" is what I said to myself getting back in the puddle and the string of curse words probably came off as turrets style fit of sorts.

SATURDAY MORNING

Time to pull, 800 pounds, a lifetime PR was on the plate, and I was hungry the only problem was my ass was on its period. So after another round of yoga cream application, I create (what was later deemed) a manpon. I took roughly a half roll of toilet paper and crammed my ass-crack with it. I put my singlet on to hold everything in place BOOM magic.

I ended up pulling 800 pounds that day; not a soul knew what was going on. It wasn't until months later that I told people, and by people, I mean like 3. Is this a post to show my dedication? Sure I think people use too many issues as excuses, but it's more so I can stop feeling haunted and faggy for pulling with a wad of rolled up TP in my ass.

Flee my soul Tp demon flee my soul hahaha

#storytime #elitefts #5thset #EYR