Where do I even begin, I’m in a mental state right now could be denial, could be depression, could be self doubt or pity. Nobody likes a quitter, a whiner or a complainer but oh woe is me.
How does one go from ending the year at the World’s with two Gold medals, 4 world records and a best lifter award after after coming back from a pretty serious shoulder injury/surgery to being invited to lift at the Arnold’s Deadlift Main Stage Expo to being put at a stand still again with my training. Emotionally how do I deal with it?
I was on a complete high, I had an amazing shoulder recovery, an amazing performance at the World’s hitting my ultimate goal of 1,000 lb total. Life is great, what’s next I said, or did I? Actually what I am leaving out is on the plane ride home I turned to Ken while rubbing my knee and said “I think I’m done competing”. My knee is killing me and I think it’s F’d. It was sore from the Saturday Deadlift only competition. I’m used to a sore knee but this was different again. BUT the pain subsided once home and I had some rest. Still on my high and forgetting about my knee pain what do I do? I sign up for the Laura Phelps Women’s Pro-Am in April and the Arnold’s Expo. I take a few weeks break and 12 weeks out from the Arnolds I start training hard again.
Then, this past Sunday, WTF you say, that’s what I said when I could not bend my knee after training. I had the best training day in my new single ply suit to date. I was 9 weeks out from stepping on the stage in front of hundreds of thousands of people to pull my ultimate deadlift goal of 500 lbs. I was going to lift amongst my dearest team Elitefts member and friend/coach Molly Headly. I was stoked to train, stoked to get stronger and stoked with this opportunity presented before me. I have been picturing this day for weeks, trying to vision it mentally in my head.
I’m an emotional wreck today, I can’t even begin to tell you how much my head is spinning with thoughts of the long months ahead, another road to recovery, another possible surgery, more pain, more depending on others for help and the list goes on. When I hobble down the hall to go to the washroom I think to myself this is it, the pain is not worth anything. What am I going to do ? What is next, hurry up tests, hurry up Doctor’s I need answers. The unknown is the scariest of all evils. Not knowing what is wrong is worse than knowing, or is it.
Today the Dr. called with my xray results. Oh lucky for me I have Stage 3 (Moderate) Osteoarthritis. Prime candidates for this are athletic women 55 years old. Ha ha can you put a bullseye on my back. Here is the medical description and treatment options.
Stage 3 OA is classified as “moderate” OA. In this stage, the cartilage between bones shows obvious damage, and the space between the bones begins to narrow. People with stage 3 OA of the knee are likely to experience frequent pain when walking, running, bending, or kneeling. They also may experience joint stiffness after sitting for long periods of time or when waking up in the morning. Joint swelling may be present after extended periods of motion, as well.
Treatments
If nonpharmacological therapies do not work or no longer provide the pain relief they once did, your doctor may recommend cortisone injections. Cortisone, a steroid produced naturally by your body, has been shown to relieve pain caused by OA when injected near the affected joint. The effects of a cortisone shot wear off in about two months. However, you and your doctor should look at the use of cortisone shots carefully. Research shows long-term use of the steroid can actually worsen joint damage.
If over the counter NSAIDs or acetaminophen are no longer effective, prescription pain medicine, such as codeine and oxycodone, can help relieve the increased pain common in stage 3 OA. On a short-term basis, these medicines can be used to treat moderate to severe pain.
However, narcotic medicines are not recommended for long-term use due to the risk of increased tolerance and possible dependence. Side effects of these medicines include nausea, sleepiness, and fatigue.
People who don’t respond to conservative treatments for OA—physical therapy, weight loss, use of NSAIDs and analgesics—may be good candidates for viscosupplementation.
Viscosupplements are intra-articular injections of hyaluronic acid. A typical treatment with a viscosupplement requires one to five injections of hyaluronic acid, given one week apart. There are a few injections that are available as a single-dose injection. The results of a viscosupplementation injection are not immediate. In fact, it may take several weeks for the full effect of the treatment to be felt, but relief from symptoms typically lasts a few months. Not everyone responds to these injections.
They don’t want to talk about this set of results until my other tests are done. I was fortunate enough to get a really quick MRI date which is January 16th. That is only a 2 week wait which is pretty good considering most wait 4-6 months. I could try and rush to another city but why, the extra stress to know a bit sooner that my knee is messed up isn’t going to make or break anything.
So how do I deal with this emotional and physical rollercoaster? Hurry up and wait I guess, wait for answers, wait wait wait. In the meantime I need to try and focus on other things, sure I can train upper and go with my own saying “Just because one ride is broken the whole park does not have to shut down” theory but honestly I don’t feel like it yet. Maybe the pain is too much for me this time, maybe it’s a sign to slow me down but whatever it is I have to deal with it.
I feel guilty that I’m injured again, guilty my knee is worn out and that I’m getting old. Sad that I have to burden my family and friends with yet another injury, more complaining, more explaining. I wish I could just suck it up and forget about it. Deal with it silently but I can’t. This effect the people around me, my family, friends, people I coach, my co-workers etc.
The saga continues, Until Next week's Ultrasound results, stay tuned.
#kettlebellsheri #driven #teamelitefts #inuriessuck