Training for the IPA Buckeye Brawl on December 1st. Programming by Dave Tate in italics.

 

10/17 DE Lower

  • Straight Bar Box Squats 
  • Warm up - many sets working technique.  
  • 50% (off what you think you could max now) 8 sets 2 reps - working very explosive.  

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Wow thank sweet little baby Jesus box jumps are a thing of the past.

 

235 8x2. My depth is finally there on all my sets so I am feeling better about squatting normally again. I still don't know where my squat strength is but it is GOOD that my default squat is now at depth, especially for lighter weights.

 

 

  • Leg Press or Hack Squats 
  • Warm ups - work to 3 sets of 8 reps using a weight that would be a record for you on this. 

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3 plates on each side with reverse bands. The sled is heavy so I would say it was probably about 120000 POUNDS WOW SO STRONG.

 

 

  • Reverse Hypers (LIGHT)
  • 3 sets 10 reps  

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Two plates on each side nice and swingy like Benny Goodman.

 

  • Inverse Curl 
  • 3 sets of 8-15 reps ( try to go 1-2 reps shy of failure)  

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I used a quarter for these

 

  •  Light Bench Press with tsunami bar
  • 3 sets of 10 using either 95 or 135 pounds  

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 Alright dawg.

 

  • Pull Down Abs 
  • 3 sets of 8-10 reps  

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100 lbs

 

  • Free Time: 
  • 15 minutes - do whatever you want. Nothing under 10 reps and nothing over a level 4 

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Adductor and abductor machine, heavy t bar rows for my upper back, good mornings with the yoke bar, leg extensions

 

 

OK SO. NOW THE IMPORTANT PART.

I was the last one to leave the gym so I locked up, go to my car, and toss all my stuff in the trunk.

ALL MY STUFF.

Including my keys. Btw my car won’t lock if my keys are in them but THE TRUNK SURE AS FUCK WILL.

My phone is on 10% and as I am googling the London police so they can come let me into my car MY PHONE DIES.

I always wondered what would happen if I ended up being the last person at the gym and locked my keys and my phone in the gym or something of that semi-dire nature. NOW I KNOW.

I really had no idea what to do since it is the COUNTRY. There is no town that is close to walk into to find an open store to ask for assistance. Do I find a horse to ride into the next populated area? Sleep in a silo until morn comes? Shoot a pew pew into the sky to call the local sheriff or draw the attention of a band of roving outlaws?

So I walk out to the road since that seems like my only course of action. It is dark as fuck. Since it is THE COUNTRY. I try and flag down a car or two but they can’t see me since there is no city light pollution. Damn you, lack of population. I decide to knock on some doors to see if one of these nice country folk will let me use their phone to call for help. The first door I knock on, a lady answers and I explain the situation to her and ask if I can use her phone and she says NO. WHAT THE FUCK. Won’t even call for me. Turns me away to be eaten by the wolves.

Maybe she turned me away because she could see my jew horns? We will never know.

I knock on a few other doors but no one answered.

There is a Baptist church on the road and since I watch Father Brown and Midsommer Murders, I know that churches frequently leave their doors unlocked since they think the best of people. Or that Jesus will protect their property by slapping an intruder in the face with his sandals. One of the two.

Well lo and behold, the church door was unlocked. Thank you 8 lb 6 oz newborn baby Jesus.

I poked through their rooms in the hopes that they had a phone charger or a landline. At this point, I was hoping someone would see the lights on and call the fucking cops so I would have some human interaction.

Anyway they didn’t have a landline or charger but they did have a sweet desktop computer that I booted up and thankfully it was not password protected (baptistsrock? Probably would not have taken too long to guess anyway). I figured I would log onto this sweet rural high speed internet (there are signs for rural internet all over London so I can only assume this is what everyone has) and get into my email or facebook and send someone a message asking them to call the cops for me. Problem solved.

BUT NO

I turned on two factor authentication for all my accounts in case the damn ruskies want to get into my shit. Needless to say they don’t and the only person that wants to hack my accounts is me when I am stuck in a Baptist church in London, Ohio at 10pm. So now I couldn’t get on those since the passcodes were sent to my DEAD PHONE.

BUT

I could get onto Instagram. Which is fairly useless on a browser. I couldn’t send messages so all I could do was frantically comment on posts in the hopes that someone would take heed of my predicament.

I commented on 1) Dave’s posts since he had just posted something and he knew that I was locked out of my car and 2) Anthony’s posts because he is a good social media-er.

Instagram on a browser apparently doesn’t notify you of… notifications. So I went back on Dave’s post to see if he responded to my VERY CLEAR comments about the situation and my request for him to call the cops. AND HE DELETED THEM.

DELETED MY COMMENTS. WITH NO RESPONSE. HOLY FUCK DAVE.

Thankfully Anthony didn’t want me to have to sleep in a church and subsist on shitty lifesaver mints and hershey’s kisses and called the cops who showed up shortly thereafter.

So I get in my car and plug my phone in and get a text from Dave that says “did you get in your car? I saw your comments on my IG and deleted them LOL”.

NO SHIT.

And yes I did because SOMEONE ELSE CALLED THE COPS AND DIDN’T LEAVE ME TO ROT IN THE COUNTRY.

After I spent the whole next training session admonishing Dave for LEAVING ME TO WITHER AWAY ON A COLD CHURCH PEW it ends up he thought someone was in the church and I was just commenting on his Instagram instead of messaging by accident (??? YEAH OK WHATEVER).

Anyway the next day I called the church and left a message explaining the situation and letting them know that I didn’t steal anything and thank you for letting me use the computer and sorry I was still logged into Instagram with a jewish username. I received a very nice voicemail from the pastor later that day addressing the “lady that was in distress last night” and saying he was glad that everything worked out and that the door was unlocked (since it usually isn’t!) and that I could call him back if I wanted to but he hoped everything was ok. What a mensch!

I was considering sending that lady who didn’t let me use her phone a bag of dicks (google it. there are a lot of options to choose from) but the message from the pastor was so nice I would feel remiss being a total shithead in return. I might send her a card telling her that she will probably be going to hell though. That seems to be a good selling point in the country.

I’m also wondering if those snacks I ate at the church were communion wafers so I might be Baptist now but I guess I owe them one so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

dave

THIS FUCKING GUY

 

 

10/18 DE Upper

  • Warm Ups
  • 2 sets each various shoulder raise and push downs. Again this is just warming up. I would also put it 1-2 sets of hanging leg raise and GHR’s Also include shoulder circuit for 1 rotation.
  • *Add in band pull aparts and band face pulls. 

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Also 20 reps of telling anyone who would listen that Dave left me to die in the cold lonely country.

 

  • Speed Bench with Chains 
  • 50% of CM for 9 total sets of 3 reps using 3 different grips.
  • Use your normal chain weight.

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120 lbs with 1.5 chains. I have had previous meet cycles where my elbows were so bad that I had to speed bench with a shoulder saver (aka elbow saver). This time around I’m ok off my chest- everything still hurts- but it is tolerable. However close grip is the worst.

 

  • Close Grip Bench Press
  • work up to 2 heavy set of 3

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195 2x3. I used a medium close grip since my elbows fucking hurt the closer I go.

My appetite and bodyweight have been down from where they usually are this far out from a meet. Usually I’m at 148 and I’m currently in the low 140s. My bench has definitely taken a hit. I was anticipating hitting way more than this since 195 is less than my triple floor press.

So I can either 1) eat better and force myself to eat quality foods or 2) eat like total shit and get my calories from oreos and fast food.

I chose the latter. I’m pretty sure my current body composition is 60% novelty oreos 30% bacon related burgers 10% breakfast sandwiches. I believe this is a tried and true method. I will report back when my bench goes up and/or I accidentally weight in at 181 when I get to the meet.

 

  • Low Rows - Use two different handles 
  • 3 sets of 6-8 reps (heavy) - handle 1
  • 3 sets of 6-8 reps (heavy) - handle 2

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I try and use a wide grip handle and a narrow grip handle. The weight I use for this is vastly difference based on which low row I use but I like using the one where I row more weight (duh) so I ended up in the high 200s for these.

 

  • Band Pull Aparts super set with 
  • Prone Rear Delt Raises (heavy)
  • 3 sets 8 reps

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30 lb dumbbells. Red bands.

 

  • Reverse Hypers Light 
  • 2 sets 10 reps

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 See my reverse hyper joke from the previous training day.

 

  • Free Time
  • 15 minutes - do whatever you want. Nothing under 10 reps and nothing over a level 4

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Face pulls, heavy shrugs on the standing calf raise machine, front raises, banded good mornings. All for high reps except for the shrugs.