Up to this point, Watts has been setting up his premise. This chapter brings it home a little bit (at least it did for me).

Picture yourself laughing hysterically with your friends. You typically don't stop mid laugh and think "man, this is really funny." You might after the fact, but while you are experiencing the moment, you are not distracted by anything. So Watts explains:

"In times of happiness and pleasure, we are usually ready enough to be aware of the moment, and to let  the experience be all. In such moments we 'forget ourselves,' and the mind makes no attempt to divide itself from itself, to be separate from experience. But with the arrival of pain, whether physical or emotional, whether actual or anticipated, the split begins and the circle goes round and round."

"In moments of great joy we do not, as a rule, stop to think, 'I am happy'...At such times we are so aware of the moment that no attempt is made to compare its experience with other experiences...Had we never known joy, it would be impossible to identify sorrow as sorrow...Sorrow can only be compared with the memory of joy, which is not at all the same thing as joy itself."

Think about all the times you've been conflicted about a relationship or even in physical pain. Your mind races back and forth thinking about the past- 'why did I do that when I knew it would hurt her or why didn't I listen to my body and cut the set earlier?'- and thinking about the future- 'Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I give and receive love? or how long is this going to take me to recover?'

"No possibility remains but to be aware of pain, fear boredom, or grief in the same complete way that one is aware of pleasure. The human organism has the most wonderful powers of adaptation to both physical and psychological pain. But these can only come into full play when the pain is not being constantly restimulated by this inner effort to get away from it, to separate 'I' from the feeling. The effort creates a state of tension in which the pain thrives."

This is the haze or the fog that surrounds you when you're dealing with pain or stress. It's the low hum or noisy racket in your head when you're avoiding a painful memory. You're perpetuating the cycle- trying to run away from something that is you. I know when I was dealing with the relationship issues that I created I felt like a dog running in circles- I had no direction and I couldn't focus my thoughts on anything. All I could think about was the past and future. How could I fix the past and would the future be what I want it to be?

"The point, then, is that when we try to understand the present by comparing it with memories, we do not understand it as deeply as when we are aware of it without comparison. This, however, is usually the way in which we approach unpleasant experiences. Instead of being aware of them as they are, we try to deal with them in terms of the past. The frightened or lonely person begins at once to think, 'I'm afraid'...This is, of course, an attempt to avoid the experience. We don' t want to be aware of this present. But as we cannot get out of the present, our only escape is into memories...But [this] does not tell you how to live with things from which you cannot get away, which are already part of yourself. Your body does not eliminate poisons by knowing their names."

You don't have a past. You ARE your past. You aren't in pain. You ARE pain. There is nothing to run from- nowhere to go. You have to just BE. I couldn't do this for the longest time. And I'm still working on doing it consistently. Where I screwed up relationships in the past I wanted to fix things between me and that girl. When in actuality I wanted to fix myself. And the only way to fix yourself is to fix the YOU in the PRESENT.

My new mantra...

Adapt by absorbing pain and insecurity.

"The principle of the thing is clearly something like judo, the gentle (ju) way (do) of mastering an opposing force by giving in to it...Taoism- drew attention to the power of water to overcome all obstacles by its gentleness and pliability."

...mind blown, right?

Being flexible and absorbing force is not a weakness. "Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain[ful], trying to be brave is being scared."

So what is it to be pain? What is it to absorb insecurity? Well it's kind of hard to define. And I'm still practicing. But in Buddhist terms, it's like nirvana- a state of no suffering or desire.

"...the absence of any resistance brings about a way of feeling pain so unfamiliar as to be hard to describe. The pain is no longer problematic. I feel it, but there is no urge to get rid of it, for I have discovered that pain and the effort to be separate from it are the same thing."

I repeat- PAIN AND THE EFFORT TO BE SEPARATE FROM IT ARE THE SAME THING.

When you push yourself so hard in the gym, rep 11, 12, 13- yes it starts to burn. And your brain is screaming STOP!! But you fight to 15, 16, 17...and the pain starts to dull. Then 19, 20, 21- it's almost as if the pain has gone away. You have become pain. It's the same thing in your personal life. You screwed up. Hug it. Embrace it. Be the mistake you made. Own it, to put it in today's terms. And then move on with a lesson learned but little memory of what happened.