I say "to hell and back" but not literally. What I'm going through I wouldn't wish on anybody, but there are plenty of people who have it worse than I do. And mine is (hopefully) temporary.

Quick background- I've been dealing with some GI issues for 6-12 months. They were not severe at first- some changing bowel habits and minor discomfort. Stuff that I regret ignoring, even after it went away temporarily.

Training for the XPC Finals this year, a meet I had to back out of two years in a row due to injury, it became apparent that something was seriously wrong. I was having constant diarrhea and blood in my stool. I trained my ass off for this meet and was poised to hit a 2200 pound total at 220 for the world record. In my head, nothing was going to stop me. I continued with prep and would do everything I needed to do to address the issue AFTER accomplishing my goal.

I did suck it up and see the GI doctor. I did the whole colonoscopy which came back with good news for the most part- no cancer but I did have ulcerative proctitis. I was given two meds to fix it, they worked for a couple of weeks and then stopped working. According to my doctor that happens in about 15% of patients. I consider myself lucky so no surprise there. We moved on to the next medication. Again, worked for a week or two and stopped. That put me in the next 15% of patients. Sweet. At this point I was two weeks away from the finals.

Throughout all this I was still training and hitting PR's. So I felt like "fuck it I'm still strong so I'll be able to push through this."

I trained the whole cycle around 238lbs. Four weeks out I was around 232lbs. I started my cut around 230lbs. (None of this was planned- I wanted to cut from 235 to 220- but my bodyweight started dropping rapidly from the GI issues.) I was progressively feeling worse and worse and I weighed in at 214 the Friday before the meet. I took countless IV bags (thank you Mo!) and the weight just never came back.

Dave came to support us on Saturday. He was aware of everything I was going through, so he and I spoke. He gave me a quick once over, grabbing my arm to see that I had no glycogen in my muscles. We called Dr. Serrano for a second opinion, and everyone agreed that given the condition I was in, the risk was not worth the reward. It was time to live to fight another day. I was disappointed to say the least, but relieved from some of the pressure I had put on myself. I helped Yessie all day and was able to enjoy the day with her despite feeling like shit. At one point I picked up a couple plates to help load a bar and it hit me how bad I actually felt. 45's felt like 100's.

In the three weeks following the Arnold I continued to lose weight. After countless phone calls and doctor visits they changed the approach. The ulcerative proctitis was cured, but had aggressively turned into ulcerative colitis. Again, a rare occurrence but I'm a lucky SOB so suck on these nuts.

For the two weeks following the Arnold my world was the couch. I sat here or laid here depending on the pain, watched shitty day time TV, and crawled to the bathroom every 1-2 hours.

Last week the doctor put me on prednisone and we started Humira early- like 'quick come in and steal these samples'. It was either that or admit me to the hospital which, in my doctor's words, would have only made things worse.

So here I sit, 180-185lbs depending on how hydrated I am- about 60lbs lighter than 5 weeks ago. I was scared I would lose my colon, which I guess could still happen, but given the way I'm progressing on the meds and from what my doctor said I should be ok at this point. I would never wish what I went through  on anybody. It's been the worst 5 weeks of my life between the physical pain, lack of sleep, and the emotional toll it's taken on me, Yessie, and my family.

I don't care about losing muscle or having to restart. I've done it before and I'll do it again. And I'll come back stronger because that's exactly what I did before. And don't get me wrong, I love lifting. It's my therapy. But I fully understand every day that it could be the last day I get to train and I'm ok with that. This was a different kind of scared- a life changing 'oh shit' is this really happening kind of thing.

Perspective is a powerful thing assuming you welcome it.  A lot of our anxiety comes from expecting the outcome vs. accepting the outcome. In most conversations regarding my current situation I've basically summed it up as 'you play the hand you're dealt,' and that's how it's going to be.

I just want to thank Clint Darden and Brian Schwab specifically because they've been through similar and in some cases worse shit, and they've been nothing but helpful. In addition to all of my teammates, friends, and family that have reached out for check in or words of encouragement. Thank you.

And to my rock and my world Yessie- thank you mi Amor.