I never knew watching Casey stuff his face would bring such appreciation. But I'll start here:
Today was his follow up appointment, and his last check up, he wasn't in the best condition. Today he showed up about 40lbs heavier, his skin had actual color, and he wasn't drowned in his clothes with a look of death. His attitude was the same (optimism and the will to do whatever to get his health back) but not his physical appearance. The nurses were pleased to see him somewhat back to normal. The doctor I want to say was almost shocked he progressed so quickly (after finding the right medication and doses). After checking if Casey was following doctor's orders, he then said "we were so close to taking your colon." The room grew silent.
It brought that perspective back for me. We are people who focus on the good, and if there's bad shit happening, our mentality is how can we get better? What do we have to do? It's constantly taking it day by day and focusing on progression. With the Doc giving me the perspective of comparing how Casey was just a few weeks ago, it got me emotional to think "wow, things really could have been worse." I'm tearing up as I'm typing this.
I may sound weird or overly dramatic but watching him stuff his face brings me joy. Not having him go to the bathroom 7 times in the middle of the night helps me sleep better at night (and not for obvious reasons). The fact that he is easing into lifting makes me so proud of his resilience; it's very admirable. When unfortunate things happen (because it's part of life), I revert back to how grateful I am for health. How grateful I am for being in the best, most imperfect relationship with Casey. I'm grateful for a mindset I work so hard on. I'm grateful for support. With all those in mind, it puts things in a positive perspective for me and makes me treasure what I have now and continue to fight for.
And that ties in with a post I wrote a long time ago: what do you want that you already have? And it's all those things I'm grateful for and continue to work for.
