I’ve been training with weights for 25 years and have spent the last 25 competing in both bodybuilding shows and powerlifting meets. Although I’ve done fairly well in the sport, it seems my Internet persona has overtaken anything I’ve done lifting. The number one question that I get asked by new lifters is how to become hardcore.

I’m not sure why people think I’m hardcore. It’s certainly not for my lifting, but most likely because I’ve posted things about my past on the forums, and I’m more honest than most with private things in my life. I’ve spoken openly about my fascination with prostitutes, trannys, and drugs as well as my hatred for the government. People assume that I’m some sort of psycho. However, it’s only recently that I’ve actually thought about what makes someone hardcore. This article will give MY definition of the term.

The first thing to keep in mind is that there is a difference between being married and being single when trying to truly live a hardcore lifestyle. Once you marry, many of your hardcore ways will be erased by a wife. So here, I will focus on being single and leading the hardcore life.

One of the main aspects of a hardcore lifestyle revolves around personal hygiene. The true hardcore guy doesn’t care about grooming. Showering is optional, and most of the time the “hardcore shower” (spraying your body with deodorant instead of using soap and water) is the way to go. Combing your hair is out because most hardcore dudes either are bald or use clippers on level one for their hair.

Zits are looked at as badges of honor. They mean your stuff is working. Underwear is worn twice—once the right way and the next time inside out. You should only do laundry when you’ve worn each T-shirt two or three times. Nail clippers aren’t necessary. You bite your fingernails and let your toenails grow until they snap off naturally. Brushing your teeth is mandatory. However, if you run out of toothpaste, soap is an acceptable substitute.

Food intake is a HUGE area of concern in the hardcore lifestyle. Now, most lifters never want to do any job that’s too strenuous because that burns necessary calories. So, without the option of hard work (or being a student) funds are of the utmost concern. There are two viable options to combat this dilemma. One, you can get a job at a pizza shop. This way you eat for free. Or, you can go to different supermarkets in your area and pretend you’re shopping. While you’re pushing your cart around, you strategically open different packages and eat like a mad man. When you’re done eating, you push your cart to the side and walk out of the door. Beware though—you need to switch markets often while doing this or security gets wise to the scam.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your view), drugs have become a huge part of the hardcore lifestyle. Again, without much money, people become creative. For example, they reuse and sharpen paraphernalia on a matchbox and use LOTS of alcohol. But hey, you don’t have to pay a hospital bill if you go to an emergency room so get your priorities straight.

Of course, use of performance enhancing drugs can lead to another problem—sex drive. Many find that it’s through the roof and insatiable when they’re “on.” If you can’t get a girlfriend, here’s a solution—prostitutes. Hookers cost money so you need to use good judgment. First, always look for a prostitute who is staggering down the street. Most likely, she’s a junkie and really needs money. Therefore, you can bargain a better price. I’d also suggest looking for one who doesn’t look too clean. These ones always charge less.

Now, when you approach a prostitute, here are a few suggestions. Number one—always, always, always offer $10.00. No matter what act you’re interested in, the first bid is ALWAYS $10.00. If you have a true “strawberry” (crackhead), she will grudgingly accept. If she’s not, you have a nice low number to start with and you can work your way up gradually. Never, ever, pay more then $40.00 for any act. Word gets around, and pretty soon every whore in the “hood” will charge you whatever they want.

A couple of more pieces of advice—never wear a condom. They are a waste of money. Once you’ve been with 30 or so prostitutes, you become immune to all STDs. Never pick up one with a purse. She’s either hiding a weapon to rob you or she’s a cop. Never talk to a prostitute on the street. If she doesn’t get in the car, she’s a cop. Always ask her to prove that she’s not a cop. A real prostitute will show you her boobs. Never tell her your real name or any personal information. The good thing about prostitutes is that you pay them once and never have to come up with another dime. Also, you don’t have to talk to them afterward. This is perfect for the performance-enhanced hardcore athlete.

Of course, training is the main thing a hardcore guy does. This should never ever EVER be done at a posh health club. Your gym should be a dirt hole, preferably with one bathroom and no showers. Chalk should be on the floor at all times. There should only be two bars that aren’t bent to hell and finding matching plates should be difficult. Dumbbells should go up to at least 150s, and the mirrors (if any) should have spit and popped zit marks on them. Basic, heavy movements should be done. There should be no fancy equipment or health club machines there. It should be free weights and a pull-down machine—that’s it.

If you need to save more money for supplements or food, you can do what I did and live in your car for a year. Not too comfortable, but it does save a hell of a lot of money. When you bulk up, you don’t need chicken or other expensive meats. Might I suggest eggs and cheese whiz sandwiches. Cheese whiz is cheap and provides an incredible amount of extra calories. You can eat a dozen eggs, have three cheese whiz sandwiches, and drink a couple of cheap shakes and you’re good to go. Vegetables and fruits are a waste of money. Cheese whiz fulfills your daily vitamin requirements.

Of course, some hardcore guys will still manage to find girlfriends despite everything else. Here are a few suggestions. Number one—deny, deny, deny. Don’t make any admissions of drug use, porn watching, masturbating, or hooking up with other women. Remember, a women’s job is to tame you. Your job is to make them think that you’re being tamed. Never mind about your breath smelling of another woman. Nope, you ate a can of tuna. Deny, deny, deny.

“I don’t know why I seem to be missing one sock from every pair I own.” (Of course, the other sock in the pair is under your bed looking much like a science experiment from the drying man juice causing them all to stick together.) Always keep in mind that your job is to make your woman think you’re being tamed when in reality you’re living like a dog in heat.

Lastly, to be truly hardcore you need to be innovative. When your parents ask why you’re getting so big and why you have zits all over your body at 25-years-old, you need to think on your feet. The “I’m eating a crappy diet” excuse is good. “I’m allergic to certain foods” is good. “I’m suffering from chicken pox” is okay, but never admit the truth. If your woman asks, “How did you get that abscess?” Your reply should be, “I was trying to pop a boil with a razor blade.” Never admit what really happened. If you’re a student and some geek has a pizza and you’re hungry, stick your finger in your nose and then place it on the pizza. Then ask “Do you want that?” If you’re big enough, the geek will just give it to you. Again, be innovative.

These are a few suggestions for how to live the hardcore lifestyle while you’re single. Obviously, once you get married, things change. Your wife takes care of many of your needs, but if you’re single, follow my advice and grow huge. Be hardcore not only in your training but in every aspect of your life. Live like an animal, train like an animal, and eat like an animal.