I have been processing a lot of my thoughts over the last couple of months. I have felt lost, scattered, and confusingly scared. It certainly has been a rollercoaster of emotions—not cathartic, but certainly peaks and valleys. Depression? No, not necessarily, but the realization that time is a limited commodity, and the clock is ticking.
Feeling Young
I am fifty-four, and I rarely feel it. I sometimes prove that I am not fifty-four by getting involved in banal discord on social media. It is not difficult to do, what with my maturity level as a twenty-year-old and my ability to own someone if the situation arises. I am, after all, a product of the message boards. I still have game.
Physically, I rarely feel fifty-four. I still feel like I am twenty-four for the two hours I spend every day training, and I am in great shape, not just for my age, but I can still get attention from a twenty-five-year-old. Of course, it is always a guy, but at least it is a compliment, right? The compliment usually starts with, "How long have you been working out?" and ends with something like, "I hope I am in that kind of shape when I am your age." They mean well, but it stings a little. On occasion, they throw in a "Sir" just to add a little salt to the wound without knowing it.
Wisdom with Age
I do not have any physical limitations. I do not walk with a limp due to a bad hip, and I still provide the three minutes at night that my wife is accustomed to. The only time I feel my age is while looking in the mirror or if I am crossing the street in front of a car. I am a courteous pedestrian, so I move a little quicker if there is a car waiting for me. I can move quicker, but it is not with the deft and fluid motion that I had when I was twenty-four. If someone were to snatch my wife's cheap Guess bag when I was twenty-four, I would run after them.
If someone grabs my wife's Valentino bag now, I am going to very calmly wave and wish them well while explaining to my wife that he probably needs to feed his family. My lower back, knees, and hamstrings feel damn good, but they would not feel very good after more than about five seconds of explosive running. I am older, but with that comes wisdom.
Adapting to the Challenges of Aging in Bodybuilding
With that being said, I have very few years of being this physically fit before an apparent decline starts to pick up more speed. Because I love bodybuilding and competing, I have been forced to take a closer look at the finish line this year than I have at any time in the past. My body can handle the rigors of contest prep, but my twenty-year-old mindset gets in the way.
As I often discuss in my articles, coach logs, on the podcast, and on my YouTube channel, we can not continue to bodybuild into our fifties like we did in our twenties or thirties. It is a different game, and if you do not want to pay the price with injuries and lack of longevity, you make the proper adjustments. Maximizing recovery becomes that much more critical. Focusing more on health becomes that much more important, and dieting becomes that much more rigorous because the metabolism in your fifties is not what it was in your twenties. I am really good at preaching about it, but not as good at doing it. Sometimes I think all fifty-somethings need to cut back and be wise, but, of course, not me. I am different; I am special. And then I am reminded that I am not.
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When that realization hits, it hits hard. It is a blow to the ego and an in-your-face reminder that even though you feel young, you are not. It also begs the question: when does it all end? When do I, you, or anyone else call it quits? When does the dream die, and we accept that we need to move on to the next chapter or, at the very least, give up the drive to compete and accept that we can just train to stay in great shape? And if you think I have the answer, you are dead wrong. I am asking because I want someone to tell me; I want someone to explain how I make that decision and when. Here is the reality: I do not think I can make that decision. In fact, I know I can't.
Lifestyle Choices
Our choices in life typically contribute to our death in some way, either directly or indirectly. If you have poor nutrition and are obese, the likelihood of dying from heart disease, stroke, or cancer is undoubtedly higher. If you have a job where you remove asbestos from buildings or taste-test lead-based paint (I made that up; it is not a real job), you are likely going to die from cancer. Every time you race your motorcycle, you run a higher risk of dying.
I have trained for forty years (and counting, because I am not dead yet), and I have done all of the things bodybuilding-related that we all know are not exactly a collage (not "college") of health. It is more likely that I will die from something related to bodybuilding. Hell, it could be from tanning; who knows. That was a rhetorical question, so a question mark was not necessary.
When to Adjust and How
As I process the minutiae of my thoughts over the last couple of months, the only thing I have come to realize is that I likely will never make that decision as to when to call it quits. I will leave it to play out innately, and I will only be finished chasing my passion when I simply can no longer do it—not just do it well, but when I can not do it AT ALL.
I have a feeling I will be the old guy wearing a stringer—saggy tits and all—at the nursing home. You will know it is me because the smell of Drakkar and pro tan will be wafting through the air long after I have sauntered past you. I mean, it is not like they let you out of the nursing home to go to the tanner, right? See? I have thought this through already. I have a plan.
The Unchanging Drive
As much as I sometimes feel that training and dieting are obligatory more than it is something I do for fun, I can't NOT do it. I refuse to look and feel older. Doing it makes me feel young, and it makes me ME. I have more energy and motivation for things outside of the gym, and I can not imagine not being in shape and being "normal." Despite the arguably unhealthy stuff we sometimes do to be bigger and leaner, I only feel unhealthy when I gain a lot of body fat, eat like a slob, and do not train. My body's equilibrium is being in shape and training (and everything that comes with it).
When I do not train, and I eat shitty food, I imagine my organs get together while I sleep and argue, "What the fuck is this guy doing to us? We should show him who is in charge by sending water to his feet and make him snore like a freight train for the next week. If nothing else, his wife will smack him for us because she can not sleep. He will get back on track much sooner if we do this."
When the Dream Truly Dies
We all approach these decisions differently. You might come to a point where you decide there is another chapter and want to take on a new "hobby." I am not wired that way. Though I have never considered bodybuilding a sport, per se (it is a beauty pageant), I have done it too long to consider it a hobby. It is a lifestyle and a passion—whether motivated by mental health issues, insecurity, or any other reason, anyone can come up with. When I started on this journey forty years ago, I knew I would do it until I could not do it anymore.
The dream is dead when I am dead. It is that simple. So, instead of whining about how much time I have left to enjoy this endeavor and still do it at a level I am happy with, I will continue working and continue on the same path.
Final Thoughts
If you disagree with me, I honestly give five less than five fucks. Here is something our social-media-driven society needs to deal with: It is not YOUR decision; it is not YOUR life. And do not pretend that you feel bad for my wife or kids because you do not know them or care about them. If you want to call your game early, that is on you, not me. You do you because I have yet to ever complain about you or any of your decisions—Just sayin’.
Ken “Skip” Hill has actively participated in the sport of bodybuilding for almost forty years, competing for twenty-plus years. Born and raised in Michigan, he spent 21 years calling Colorado home with his wife and their four children. Four years ago, he and his wife traded the mountains for the beach, relocating to South Florida. His primary focus is nutrition and supplementation, but he is called upon for his years of training experience, as well. He started doing online contest prep in 2001 and is considered one of the original contest prep guys (when the bodybuilding message boards were still in their infancy). Skip’s track record with competitive bodybuilders is well-respected, and he also does sport-specific conditioning, including professional athletes.
