I will be competing at The Odd Haugen Northern California Strongman Challenge and Visegrip Viking Challenge on May 21 and 22, 2016. I am thrilled to be back to competing in strongman and finding my passion to train once again. My return to strongman isn't just about getting back into event training. It's also my return to dropping weight, becoming athletic once again, maintaining solid nutrition AND figuring out how to incorporate and maintain grip training in the mix. In the past that has not been possible and I generally go out in a big ball of flames. This time I'm optimistic.
A perfect storm is brewing and many different components of who I am as an athlete are changing and improving. Part of this process is reflecting on where I have been in order to catch you all up while continuing the inner strength to rebuild and compete at my best.
You can catch up on the first two installments of background information here,
Rebuilding: The Fat Doctor & Inevitable Decline
The first two installments covered the struggles of my life as mom, wife and athlete. Always in that order. Check out the links above to catch up!
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The Belts
Each belt has a story to tell. Each belt reflects on a different time in my strength career, different strength levels, different body weights, goals, successes, failures and frustrations. The pink belt is the smallest, it also represents the weakest I have ever been as a competitor. This belt plays with my mind with thoughts of, “But I was skinny. The scale is what matters, forget performance.” My mind quickly goes back into the damaging thought process of the scale, monthly weigh ins, lost strength, the rebound that followed and feeling like the scale would never stop climbing. It takes a conscious effort to check my thought process and refocus on the things most important to me: strength and competing.
The Demands
In short, Fat Doctor = Fail, Hormones=Whacked, still competing and doing pretty well, setting some records along the way. Once things were under control thanks to Dr. Jacked, life continued on and training improved. Over four years ago we made the decision to have Mattie quit his job in the professional world, have him expand the awesome work he was doing with very select clients and athletes and return full time to his roots in exercise science. We took a gamble and opened Competitive Edge Athletic Performance Center. Adjusting to the exceptionally long hours, demands, limited income and trying to balance being a mom, athlete and professional pushed me to my limits. Life was about getting by and adjusting to the changes. My training continued but it was slipping from the radar. I was no longer the priority and life became about meeting the needs of everyone else and surviving.
In a wild turn of events within one year of Competitive Edge opening, we also started another business, Movement Guides with some pretty exceptional partners. So, the time away, demands, stress, etc instantly doubled. Starting two businesses within the same time frame is insanity but sometimes you have to roll with opportunities the world places in your path.
The Prison
Life became a prison. We had two successful businesses, my career was excellent, kids were awesome and “me” was lost in the long list of things we had to do. There was no freedom, there was no extra income or ability to provide some essentials for the kids and managing everything was chaos. I had the tools available to me, knowledge and skill in managing my health, but my weight continued to climb.
I could never get nutrition, lifting, additional cardio/training to synch together long enough to make a substantial dent in bringing my weight back down after it rebound from The Fat Doctor. The fear of dropping too much weight and losing the precious strength I took years to build, slowly and painstakingly was always in the front of my mind. Been there done that with The Fat Doctor and every ounce of my being was going to fight against that happening ever again. As a strength athlete I paid dearly for that ridiculousness.
Managing my nutrition and training was easy. The third piece was always missing and I was just too exhausted to be able to mentally commit to even MORE work. There weren’t enough hours in the day. It’s not like I didn’t WANT to drop the weight and it’s fair to say my weight was on my mind a significant part of every day, loathing where I was but not able to commit to long term to change. I was tracking my nutrition, training, sleep and beating my head against the wall. Last year we decided enough was enough and made steps to simplify and downsize our lives.
The end result of that is getting our freedom back and giving ourselves permission to go have fun and unwind every so often. Our businesses continue to grow and expand. The maturity of the businesses have freed up some time. Life is swinging back to being manageable. I feel in control once again.
I am not doing anything substantially different than I have in the past. My nutrition program might be a little more refined, training is more intense than it has been in a long time but there is no magic bullet. There is never a magic bullet. The next greatest program plastered all over social media isn’t going to be the one that finally changes things.
Precision Focus
Once the hormonal piece was addressed, the defining factor that turned things around was my desire and commitment for the long term. There are no cheat meals, no days off, nothing until school is out for the summer. My ability to mentally commit is a reflection of where I am in life. The different programs, plans, strategies and failures through the years have been learning opportunities and continue to define and shape my skills and commitment in this area. Just through that mental shift, the pieces have all come together. I am also down 40 pounds and still going strong.
My original plan was once I lost 45 pounds, I would shut it all down, re-evaluate my strength and goals then decide which direction I wanted to go. Since things are going so well I will continue down this path until school is out for the summer. Although it’s counting my chickens before they hatch, I estimate I should lose 55 pounds by that time. Not a bad chunk of change. Maybe I’ll stop, maybe I’ll keep going. Who knows and I cannot project right now. My performance as an athlete will be what helps me make any future decisions. Once I was ready and able to mentally focus on ME as a priority, the process has been easy. It’s getting to that point that is the biggest challenge.
In the meantime, I am enjoying the process of redefining what each of my belts represents to me. Maybe one day I will be able to embrace and use that pink and redefine my perception as a belt that represents being strong and competitive.
There are still areas that I adapt my training, competition schedule and plans for those that I love and I am doing just that. I see this as an opportunity to expand my rebuilding process. I will not be competing at The FitExpo next month. I am continuing to rebuild, train, refocus on strongman with some plans on mind but they are not set in stone right now. Shoot, nothing ever is. Juggling mom, business, career, kids athletics and training is who I am. Life is about sacrifices and I am fine with this change.