A Day in the Life of a REAL Gym Owner

TAGS: day in the life, gym owner, Steve Pulcinella, Elitefts Legacy Log

5:30AM: Wake up completely sweaty from a night of drowning in my own neck meat. I then struggle to stand up and take inventory of which parts of my body hurt the most.

5:45AM: Look in the mirror and decide whether or not to trim my beard and then figured if Pegg can walk around looking like he does, then mine can go another day.

6:00AM: I sit in my big chair drinking coffee and eating cookies while icing my lower back and knees.

7:10AM: Pack up some turkey sandwiches for the day and leave for work.

7:15AM: Stop at Wawa and stock up on more coffee and bagel sandwiches for breakfast.

7:20AM: Jam out to some ZZ Top and cringe as I pull into my parking lot wondering what I’ll see. I never know what I’ll find . . . abandoned car, bags of trash thrown around, drug deals going down, or even a possible dead body in the trash bin. Oh good, only a coke can that I have to pick up. I picked it up and I can see now that it was actually a make-shift bong of some sort.

7:30AM: I walk into the gym and I’m greeted by my morning guy Howie’s giant slobbery Mastiff. Great, now there is dog hair all over the gym for me to vacuum after he leaves. I walk around the gym and clean up stuff from last night’s mayhem.

8AM: This is when I usually take care of some administrative stuff. That consists of me looking in the register to see what sales looked like last night, I have a system where I just count the twenties and it gives me a general idea. I answer a few e-mails and look over some messages my night girls left me. Those few things are just about the main thrust of the only official work I do all day.

8:15AM: Log in to Facebook and make a few snarky comments here and there.

8:30AM: My brother, Photo Joe, who is also my “business partner”, drops in for a bi-weekly visit and total ball busting session. We usually are cordial to each other for about five minutes until he finds a way to piss me off and then we are in a full blown screaming match in front of everyone for the next twenty minutes. He then takes off and does whatever the hell it is he does all day, while I’m at the gym.

9AM: I’m now in my private office, or as I call it my fortress of solitude, because it’s where I go so that nobody can freaking look at me. All day long I can feel people looking at me. Sometimes I just don’t want to be looked at. I do this several times a day.

9:15AM: I hear someone screaming my name, I leave the fortress and a very nervous looking kid tells me that he just broke my garage door. I let people open the automatic garage door to take the tires and sleds outside to use and once in a while they shut the door with something obstructing it, and it bends the living hell out of the tracks and strains the pooper on the little motor. I’m barely a man so I have limited tools and suck at repairs, and this kid is watching me and profusely apologizing the whole time, which is pissing me off even worse. I dismantle the whole works and reassemble it. Tragedy was averted as a young Iron Sport member was traumatized.

10AM: I estimate my blood pressure to be in the neighborhood of coronary arrest/triple bi-pass so I do the only thing I can think of... I gulp down a Speed Stack, an ephedrine tablet, a protein cookie and get ready to train. I have decided that I’m not answering the gym phone anymore when I’m training. So between 10-noon every day, Iron Sport Gym is dead in the water. I actually lock the phone in my office so I can’t hear it. About 90% of the time the gym phone rings the person on the other end wants MY money, 5% it’s somebody speaking a language that I’m not quite picking up, and the other 5% of the time it’s a legit phone call from someone who might want to give me THEIR money. I’m willing to take that risk.

Noon: Finished up training and drink a Metrx RTD meal replacement drink with a turkey sandwich, heavy on the mayo with lots of salt.

12:15PM: I witnessed a guy parking in my lot (right in front of the signs telling him he can’t park there) and run into the building next door. I put three permanent Iron Sport stickers on the bumper of his brand new Cadillac. Sucks to be you dude, but thanks for the free advertising.

12:30PM: Turned away three heavy-set women looking for pole dancing classes. Really? Pole dancing? I told them they should go underneath the Ben Franklin Bridge and use the massive girders that support the bridge, just incase.

12:45PM: I turn a guy away that came up with the brilliant idea of walking in here and asking me if I would offer half price memberships to the total shitbag apartment complex behind the gym that he manages. That’s just the kick in the balls that this gym needs, discount shitbags.

1PM: Lots of college students are rolling in the gym now. I’m witnessing a lot of squirly looking hang cleans and tricep workouts. Not one of them ever asks me a training question. They just watch in horror as I train, but never ask me anything. Maybe it’s because they are friends with the kid that I screamed at as I beat up my garage door in a fit of rage earlier.

1:15PM: Jen Comas Keck texts me and begs me to come and save her from Kentucky and take her back to Vegas.

1:30PM: I can feel people looking at me again, it’s making my skin crawl so I duck into my office and weep gently.

2PM: My lack of proper sleep is catching up to me, I call this period of the day “my sleepy time”. I brew myself some coffee in my office, and of course I can’t have coffee without a MetRx protein bar. This is also the time that A&E shows reruns of the Sopranos, I tell everybody to shut up while I’m watching my stories.

3PM: The high school kids are all coming in now, the gym is getting more crowded. It’s funny to watch these young kids come in and train in groups of six. And there's always that ‘leader’ in every group that sort of trains the other ones who always has awesome theories regarding training. Watching them really reminds me of my buddies and I stumbling into our first gym and the stuff we used to do.

3:15PM: Some black dude comes walking in and he is on a phone call, I stand at attention at the front counter waiting to lay some world class customer service on him. He keeps putting up his finger to me as to indicate “give me a minute”. I wait for almost ten minutes and he is just jiving around talking with his woman, so I walk away. I went to the bathroom and when I came out I guess he had left. It didn’t bother me, I figured if he was really serious about joining the gym he would have gotten off the fucking phone.

3:30PM: A dirty construction worker came in from working on the street out front and asked to use my shitter. I made him buy something first just to bust his balls.

3:35PM: Some guy who I will just call ASSHOLE came in and said he wasn’t a member, but was coming in to train with his buddy. I said “no problem man, we just have a $10 guest fee”. He flatly came out and said he was from out of town, wasn’t going to join but was hoping that he could just workout for free. I fucking HATE that, you will train here for free when I say, not when YOU say. I bet this guy wouldn’t dream of expecting free gas at the gas station or free food at Burger King, but the guy who owns a gym should just give it away. I just told him:”Yo dude, did you notice that when you walked in here the temperature went from a sweltering 92 down to a comfortable 72? Well that is called air conditioning, which costs MONEY, MY MONEY. Are you seeing the picture yet? No? Well how about this, I don’t care if you train here or not today, but if you are it's going to cost you YOUR money.” He gave me the $10 and sadly walked away after just being dominated like a little bitch. On his way out later he says: “Well my buddy didn’t even show up, he got stuck at work. I must look like a real dick huh?” I said “YEP”

4PM: This bodybuilder kid that comes in here gets done training and goes outside for a smoke break, he then comes in, stands in front of me at my counter and busts out a container of tuna fish and starts slurping it down. Now, for some reason, I am now being forced to smell Marlboros and tuna. Awesome! I’m starting to feel people looking at me again.

4:30PM: A young guy comes in to join, he is wearing an EliteFTS shirt, has an EliteFTS bag, and an EliteFTS hat. I was like “cool shirt man, do you read the site a lot?” He said he did and I told him I do some writing for the site and told him my name. He had no idea who I was nor did he seem impressed. Must be a Clint Darden fan. Oh ok, that’ll be forty bucks then, kid.

5PM: My wife rolls into the gym and has to do her heavy snatch training. On her way in she demands I kick everyone off of ‘her’ platform. She is very agitated from work and not in a very good mood. I hide in my office again and eat another sandwich.

5:30PM: The gym is really hopping busy now. I’m walking around and I see a trail of dried muddy footprints coming out of the locker room. Like a native American tracker I follow the trail into the weightroom, and then all the way across the room leading right up to the culprit. He had totally trashed the whole side of the weightroom with dried mud. And he is there doing a set of flyes with his feet up on MY bench with his muddy ass sneakers on. I’d like to say I calmly informed the guy that he had a little bit of mud on his shoes, but I totally flew off the handle and started screaming at him. That seemed to do the trick.

6:30PM: I’m breaking in a new female employee that’s going to be working the counter at night. She’s a good looking girl, so every horny dude in here keeps bothering us while I’m trying to show her the ropes. This girl is young and hot, I really doubt the corny jokes of married guys in their forties are doing it for her. Trust me, I know first hand.

7PM: Finally time to go home! I have all my stuff in my hands and I’m walking out the door. On my way out, some guy tells me that he has just accidentally closed the garage door on something and it’s now all jammed sideways. WHAT THE HELL? I totally lose it and get my tools back out and take it all apart again and fix it. Once again, I forced the guy to watch me in horror as I screamed and punched the door a bunch of times.

7:45PM: I finally leave work for the day.

9:45PM: I’m relaxing at home and get a text from Nicole, the girl that is closing up the gym, and she is telling me she doesn’t have her key to lock up. I have to get up off my fat ass to run down to the gym and lock the place up.

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