Under the Bar Honesty - Under The Bar Excerpt

TAGS: values, truth, relationships, honesty, adaption, Elitefts Legacy Log, under the bar, powerlifting, dave tate

The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.

-- Arthur C. Clarke

Honesty pays, but it doesn’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.

-- F. M. Hubbar

Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?

-- Cicero

No legacy is so rich as honesty.

-- William Shakespeare

Honesty is a question of right or wrong, not a matter of policy.

-- Author unknown

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.

-- Thomas Jefferson

Each time you are honest and conduct yourself with honesty, a success force will drive you toward greater success. Each time you lie, even with a little white lie, there are strong forces pushing you toward failure.

-- Joseph Sugarman



Honesty (as defined by the American Heritage Dictionary):

1. The quality or condition of being honest; integrity.

2.  Truthfulness; sincerity: in all honesty.

The Promise

One of the biggest promises I have ever made in my life was made to a woman I knew for only a few days and will probably never see again. Yet, that promise had a major impact on many lives and will continue to for many years to come. (I’ll explain in more detail at the end of this chapter.)

Win/Lose Relationships

Many times people will give you their word only to break it the next day. The worst part of this is that it can become such a common event that, when you find someone who is honest and keeps his or her word, it is seen as a rarity. Being dishonest has even become a glorified process that can be seen just about every night on TV. What message is this really sending? “Hey, it’s no big deal if you’re dishonest and lie, as long as you get what you want!” This will only create a temporary win, because you are in a win/lose situation. In this case, you win in the short term while the other party loses. This is great for the winner for now, but in the long run, you can count on never gaining the trust and respect of the other party, and thus kill any future relationship you could have had. This win is not worth the future loss to your reputation.

Lose/Win Relationships

The next option is to give in to every need and demand of the other party, creating a lose/win situation. While this is great for the second party, it will create more stress for you than you need or deserve. We’ve all found ourselves in this position, and many of us are still living each day in compromised positions that we brought on ourselves. While the other party does not give it a second thought, you live each day thinking, “I should have said . . .” or “If I could do it again I would . . .” Well, you know something? You can always go back and make things right. You just have to have the courage to stand up for what you think is right. Most of us do not do this because it’s easier to live with the pain of the poor decision than it is to create another, better situation. You really need to ask yourself if this is wise. If you take a chance by trying to find a better balance in your relationship, the confrontation you think will take place probably won’t, and both you and the second party will walk away with a healthier relationship.

Win/Win Relationships

The last situation is win/win and is the best option for everyone. So why are there so few win/win solutions out there? To create a win/win solution requires work, communication, and the respect of both parties. There are many people out there who would rather just “give in” than state what they really feel. This is because they are scared of what the other party “might say or do.” The truly interesting thing here is that many would rather deal with the pain of being taken advantage of than the pain of finding a win/win solution. Do not give in when you feel you are being taken advantage of. When you feel there is no other solution, then you’re not looking hard enough. Granted, there are many people out there who would rather bully, upperhand, underhand, screw (or whatever you call it) anyone to get what they want. The biggest problem here is that if they get what they want (which is very unlikely), there will be nobody there to share it with, plus they will always feel like there is someone trying to take away what they have. The world has much to offer to everyone, and there will always be the greatest rewards for those who create the most win/win relationships throughout their lives. These win/win relations begin with keeping your word, doing what you say you will do, and treating everyone as you would like to be treated.

Deal with the Truth

What does all this have to do with keeping your word? It has everything to do with it. You have to know the nature of the relationship before you open your mouth and say something you will regret later. You need to take time and think before you speak. In today’s world, a person’s word means nothing. This is a very sad, yet true, thing. You really can’t trust what anyone tells you and need always to look out for your own best interests. However, there are still people out there who choose to keep their word no matter what the outcome. I feel a man is only as good as his word, and that is the way it should be. Honesty broken once will be broken forever. A lie is a lie, and it doesn’t matter if it’s a white lie or a huge monster lie. Either way, in my book, you’re a scumbag. Now just because I said you can’t trust anyone does not mean you have to be like everyone else. As the old saying goes, “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?” You can be one of the few who are known as a trusted friend, business partner, parent, and spouse. This is not without its consequences. You have to be willing to deal with the truth. For many, it is much easier to lie than deal with the truth. The truth can be hard but can also free you. A lie is also hard, and you remain stuck with it. Nothing good can ever come of it. Look, I know many of you are thinking, “You don’t know my wife, you don’t know my boss—you don’t know my life.” Correct: I don’t know you and I’m not telling you to confess everything you do. If you get to work late, you don’t have to run up and tell your boss you were late—but it’s another thing to mark your time card as if you were there on time. There is a difference between not saying anything and telling a lie. That’s why we were all told as kids to keep our mouth shut until asked to speak.

Take Care of Him

“Take care of him.” With tears in her eyes, this was what was asked of me by Blaine’s birth mother as we departed with my new son. Blaine was my first adopted son and one of the best experiences of my life. I gave her my word that I would take care of him, and I have no intention of breaking it. If I keep my word, by the time Blaine reads this he will know the true meaning of “a promise.” If I do not keep this promise, then he will know I am not a man of my word. If you are a man or women of your word, then you will never have to tell anyone—they will already know.

What do they know about you?

The wealthiest man in the world may not loan you money to make a phone call, while the poorest person on earth may just give you the world. – DT

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