Still stubborn, and slightly stupid

Sunday-Lower-Squat


I was pretty under the weather this AM going to the gym. I lost my voice and at some point my body said if you won't stop I will make you...

Just like insulin resistant muscle cells though, I decided not to really listen...

Prep work circuit
3 x 20 ham curls
3 x 20 leg extensions

Training
1.Squat, Max double, max eccentric high bar back squat
I would have tripled ten lbs above last week, but given the fact I had no safety catches, was wheezing from my cardiorespiratory issues, and there was no spotter, I racked it after two.

And then danced around till I started wheezing. Why? Because despite all the crazy currently going on, I'm still stupid. By stupid, I mean stubborn. I still have the burning desire for PR and improvement despite the obvious message my body is giving that it needs no more stress.

Also, clearly this program MIGHT be working...

2. 3x3 6 sec eccentric speed squats

Then I shut it down as sickness was really making me dizzy.

Still stubborn, and slightly stupid


So right now life has been nuts. As I told my dad yesterday, good things are happening but all have come with the price of repeated failure and tons of work. I've stepped far outside my area code of comfort only to find that not every place has road maps. It is almost like running in circles is my new sport.

This morning (3am) when I woke up to no voice, a body temperature so high it was obvious my thermogenesis was off the charts, and a crashed lab top. Then I found out my credit card and charger we gone. At that moment I felt full on despair. Yesterday, between data analysis all morning and afternoon with Alex and then afternoon and night writing with Colescott, I felt as though I was on a Star Wars ship blasting in full warp speed to success. But this morning it was more like chaotic full throttle into a black hole.

I've heard a ton of the following lately:
"Take a break"
"Find balance"
"You do too much."
"I'm worried"
"Have some fun"

And often, while my support system is amazing in their care for me, my own mindset, body, and focus are a few of the only ones who really support fueling the crazy train's 20 gallon diesel gas tank...

Sometimes that is exhausting, so when you own body starts to jump on the band wagon and tells you it is not contributing further funds to your gas tank, it's just a sh*tty situation.

So, when I still trained to the PR (despite the before mentioned) what really happened was my mind looked back to every other experience and told my body to shut up. My mind took over the steering wheel and I embraced the struggle. If past experience has taught me anything, it's that no matter how many banana peels line the railroad, the crazy train only fails to reach a destination if YOU hit the brakes.

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